Unveiling the Intersection of Religion and Eating Disorders: My Personal Journey as a Former Jehovah’s Witness
In the intricate tapestry of human experiences, the development of eating disorders can often be traced back to various environmental and psychological factors. As someone who struggled with binge eating disorder and later developed, bulimia I discovered a profound connection between my religious upbringing as a Jehovah's Witness and the manifestation of these disorders. The religious values instilled in me since my mother's conversion to the Jehovah's Witness organization alongside many other cultural influencers, distorted my perceptions of bodies and food. Experiencing gender oppression, control, and the pursuit of purity ideals significantly impacted my mental health, making it challenging to break free from rigid beliefs.
The Distortion of Body and Food Through Patriarchy:
Growing up within the Jehovah's Witness community, I encountered a religious environment that shaped my understanding of gender, bodies and food in unhealthy ways. The teachings and values surrounding the organization often imposed rigid standards and expectations regarding appearance and behavior especially for women and girls. These influences distorted my perceptions, leading to a skewed relationship with my body and an unhealthy view of food. Now looking back, no one in the congregation was equipped to identify my eating disorder. Fragments of an eating disorder were only addressed within the framework of morality, specifically concerning notions of "wasting food," accusations of gluttony, or the notion of improper embodiment for women.
I have come to the realization that religion, particularly during my formative years, served as a tool for indoctrinating patriarchal and misogynistic beliefs. Religion, as a cultural and social institution, has the potential to shape our worldview and understanding of gender roles. In some cases, religious doctrines and interpretations have been used to justify and uphold patriarchal systems, placing men in positions of authority and reinforcing the subordination of women. Although untangling the complex web of connections between Christian patriarchy and my eating disorders is a challenging process, I have managed to identify some correlations that shed light on their interplay. It is important to note that these correlations are not exhaustive and represent my personal observations:
Historical Connections: Christianity and Anorexia:
The history of anorexia nervosa reveals intriguing connections with the lives of certain saints throughout the centuries. Anorexia, characterized by severe restriction of food intake and an intense fear of gaining weight, has been observed in the lives of individuals who were later canonized as saints within the Catholic Church. This phenomenon is often referred to as "holy anorexia" or "anorexia mirabilis," meaning "miraculous fasting."
One of the earliest recorded incidents of holy anorexia is associated with Saint Catherine of Siena, a 14th-century mystic and philosopher. Catherine exhibited extreme fasting and self-denial as a spiritual practice, believing that by abstaining from food, she could achieve a closer union with God. Her ascetic lifestyle and dedication to self-starvation were considered remarkable and were seen as evidence of her extraordinary devotion and spiritual purity.
Another notable example is Saint Rose of Lima, a 17th-century Peruvian saint. Rose dedicated herself to a life of prayer, solitude, and self-mortification. She engaged in severe fasting and self-inflicted penances, such as wearing a crown of thorns and placing metal spikes on her body. Her extreme practices were seen as expressions of her devotion and an attempt to unite herself with the suffering of Christ.
These saints' experiences with anorexia highlight the complex interplay between religious fervor, ascetic practices, and the manifestation of disordered eating behaviors. The saints' intense devotion, coupled with the cultural and religious expectations of their time, may have contributed to the development of their restrictive eating habits. It is essential to recognize that their experiences were deeply rooted in their historical and religious contexts.
Professor of history at Rutgers University, Rudolph Bell states that sheds light on the phenomenon of 'holy anorexia' as a culture-bound syndrome within medieval Italy. Bell's research reveals a crucial underlying theme: holy anorexia signifies women's ongoing struggle for autonomy within a patriarchal culture.
High-Trauma and Gender Oppressive Environments:
Eating disorders tend to thrive in high-trauma environments, where individuals may feel a lack of control or face oppressive circumstances. Many religious settings, including my own experience within the Jehovah's Witness community, perpetuate a narrative that denigrates women's value to obedience, modesty, and corporal discipline. In these environments, women are often subjected to strict rules and expectations, including control of their sexuality. Such oppressive environments can contribute to feelings of powerlessness and low self-worth, which may manifest in disordered eating behaviors.
Eating Disorders as Exhibitions of Control and Obedience:
Eating disorders often represent multifaceted factors, including anxieties related to purity, gender obedience, thinness, and control. They can emerge as desperate attempts to rectify the perceived immorality and inadequacy of the body within a religious context. Moreover, they can become a way to renounce our bodies while simultaneously expressing a struggle for autonomy within a patriarchal structure. Through self-imposed dietary restrictions or purging behaviors, individuals seek to assert control over their lives, often as a response to the oppressive beliefs and expectations imposed by their religion.
The False Compass of Eating Disorders:
Leaving my religious community, I transitioned from one regimented lifestyle to another—a repurposed form of patriarchy. Eating disorders can provide a fast and false moral compass, repurposing colonial values and reinforcing a distorted sense of control. In my own experience, as I left behind the defined world order of religion, my eating disorder offered me a sense of structure and purpose. However, it was an illusion, ultimately leading to further self-destructive behaviors and emotional turmoil.
Eating Disorders as Echoes of Protest and Survivorship:
Eating disorders are not merely about food or body image; they are complex manifestations of anxiety, bodily protest, and survivorship. They become a cyclical pattern of engorging, numbing, unburdening, self-hatred, and punishment. For many individuals, including myself, these behaviors serve as coping mechanisms in the face of emotional distress and a way to regain a semblance of control over one's life.
As an adult, I still grapple with black-and-white thinking, a remnant of my past experiences. In the intricate tapestry of human experiences, the development of eating disorders can often be traced back to various environmental and psychological factors. For me, the profound connection between my religious upbringing as a Jehovah's Witness and the manifestation of my eating disorders became evident. The religious values instilled in me since my mother's conversion to the Jehovah's Witness organization, alongside other cultural influencers, distorted my perceptions of bodies and food. Experiencing gender oppression, control, and the pursuit of purity ideals significantly impacted my mental health, making it challenging to break free from rigid beliefs.
It is essential to recognize the false compass that eating disorders provide, repurposing colonial values and perpetuating distorted beliefs about control. Ultimately, understanding the intricate connection between religion and eating disorders allows us to foster a more empathetic and supportive environment, promoting healing, resilience, and a reclamation of personal autonomy.
